Let Me Sing You a Song
by therunawaypen
Summary: The minions of Q branch play a song that unsettles Bond. How will react when he learns that there is a popular movie franchise bearing his name and status as a 00 agent? And how does Q handle the situation?


James should have known something was off when he first walked into Q branch. For one, the minions were watching him as he walked by, and he heard snickering from a few of them once his back was to them. He knew that the minions rarely looked up from their computer screens, let alone watchthose that came into the branch. And he knew it wasn't the fact he had just finished a high risk assignment, he did that all the time and they never so much as blinked at him.

Then one of the minions turned on the speakers to their computer, filling the room with music.

"007; Britain's finest secret agent, licensed to kill.  
Mixing business with girls and thrills."

James stopped dead in his tracks as he heard the lyrics to the song. The snickers from the minions had progressed to poorly stifled chuckles.

"What is that?" James turned to the minion who had put the song on. "Is this a joke?"

"A girl in every port, and gadgets up my sleeve."

The minion in question shook his head, "Not at all, sir." He was trying to hide a grin, but was failing miserably, "It's a song."

"I know it's a song. I can hear that much." James shook his head, "I was asking specifically where it came from."

"From a band, of course." The minion nodded

James rolled his eyes. He obviously wasn't going to get any answers from the minions. He'd have to ask Q. Resuming his brisk pace, 007 made his way into the Quartermaster's office as the song continued to play.

"So I wish I was James Bond, just for the day.  
Kissing all the girls, blow the bad guys away."

The song cut off as James shut the door to Q's office.

"I see you heard the song." Q didn't seem bothered by James's discomfort.

"You knew?" Of course the Quartermaster knew. He knew everything about the 00 agent. "What is it?"

"Don't worry, James, the song isn't about you."

James stared at Q, "It's not about me? How many other 007 agents are there named James Bond?"

Q took off his glasses, rubbing his eyes, "Yes, the song is about a 00 agent named James Bond. But that's based on a popular book series turned cinematic franchise."

That caught James off guard, "Franchise? Like it's a well known thing?" He blinked, his mind grinding to a stop, "How has my cover never been blown?"

Of all the things he expected of Q, laughing was not one of them, "James, this franchise has been going on since 1953. Not to mention it is a complete work of fiction."

"Why haven't I heard anything about this before?" James shook his head.

Q chuckled, "Honestly James, when was the last time you took time off long enough to go back to your apartment, let alone see a movie?"

Well…that was true, "So…it's a coincidence? My identity hasn't been compromised?"

"No, it's fine, James." Q smiled softly, "I'm sure there were quite a few chuckles when you made 00 agent. I wouldn't doubt it if you had been 007 on purpose, just because of your name."

That was an unsettling thought, "What's the rest of the song say?"

"Well why don't I play it for you?" Q was smirking now, pulling up the song on his computer.

As James listened to the song, he couldn't help but find eerie similarities between him and the fictional Bond. Had all of MI6 been laughing at the parallels and no one had bothered to tell him before now?

James rubbed his brow as the song came to an end, "Who are Roger, Sean, Timmy, George, Daniel, and Pierce?"

"Actors who have played not-you." Q nodded, looking up at the 00 agent, "This is a new experience for me: seeing you this frazzled. It's interesting."

"Don't get used to it." James shook his head.

Q smiled softly, patting James's hand, "Come over to my place next time you're on leave, we'll watch the movies, ok? Then you won't be lost."

James nodded, "Shall I bring take out then?"

"Sounds like a date to me." Q winked. "You might have a girl in every port, but you've only got one Quartermaster."


End file.
